Stop The World I want to get off

I have 2 follicles measuring 11.5 and 13. 

I have no idea if this is good or not good.  I’ve been injecting 175ius for 6 days now. 

How fast do they grow daily? 

and I’m having a very bad hair day.

Feeling better.  More hopeful.  

The hormones that rush through your body when you get AF normally is enough in itself, but then to add the disappointment of not being pregnant is just overwhelming…that being said a few days later and I’m feeling a bit better.

Day 3 of cycle 2 (well 4 I guess if you count the 2 IUIs we did late 2008 and early 2009, but I had the septum then and prop couldnt get pregnant so I’m deciding not to count those)

Dr. L wants to try 175ius this time.  I’m going to take this for 3 nights and then go in for blood.  I was supposed to take for 4 nights but I’m traveling on Tues and wont be able to get to the office so we are going to do it the day before.  I think its better anyway since I’m increasing my dose and we dont know how I will respond yet.

Thats all my news.  We are heading to a wedding a few hours away today and I’m getting ready to actually go to the gym first (yay me)  I need to considering I used the not being pregnant excuse to eat literally whatever I wanted in consolation the last few days.  

Hubby just came back from the gym and now hes taking the dogs to the babysitter.  One of our dogs is peeing in the house overnight and I’m so frustrated as we have no idea what is going on with him.  I stayed behind to clean it up while Hubby went to work out and now its my turn.  Same dog is chewing the corners of our coffee table and we’ve had to muzzle him the last few days….Greyhound rescue group told us to do this…. said that they grew up with muzzles and it’s perfectly acceptable.  They are the basket kind so he can open his mouth and drink he just cant chew.  ANYWAY, no idea why hes being a problem lately…..

So- everyone- have a great weekend and I will be back soon.

Bummer.

Got my period this am.  I knew it, I called it.  I know my body.  And since I’ve never ever been pregnant, and have no idea what those symptoms feel like – I kinda know when I’m not feeling anything.

Even though I knew it, I still had a tiny glimmer of hope.  I’m sure we’ve all read the posts and heard people say- “I swore I was getting my period and It just never came”  – well I guess I hung on to those words for dear life.

I’m sad.  Sadder this cycle than I’ve been in a very very long time.  Losing hope really sucks.

I have  a friend who I’ve referenced in a post (quite a while back) who told me once maybe its Gods plan for me not to have a baby.  I havent talked to her since, and in not a mean malicious way, I mean we are kind of talk to eachother every couple of months kind of friends.  But, she has been calling me like crazy latley and I honestly dont know what to do .  I just cant face her right now.  Our last conversation has haunted me.  And especially now.  I want to send her an email, and tell her that she has hurt me and just not sure how to go about it.  Is it worth it?  Do I really need to spread my sadness to everyone?

We are going to a wedding this weekend….. my hubbys family, who I love dearly.  It just sucks that everyone knows we are trying to have a baby and now they just ignore it, like they use to ask us- how everything is going and we’d smile and say “working hard at it” and hubby would wink at me and everyone would laugh.  Its been so long now that everyone is uncomfortable with it and well, that makes me so uncomfortable!!

I will wallow today.  I will do my best to be ok tomorrow.  Just left a msg for Dr. L’s office as we were going to try IVF this month and now gonna see if we can do injectables again. 

Thanks for everyones support.  I need it.

9 days post iui.  Period cramps.  I know it is too early but I still peed on a stick.  Negative.  Not a surprise.  I’m predicting I will get my period Wed or Thurs.

Hubby wants to do the injectables 2 more cycles and then move on to IVF.  The only reason I agree, is I will be so disappointed if IVF doesnt work, and at least if we fail a few more times at IUI I guess I will feel like we tried more….. I dont know doesnt really make sense does it?  Anyone have any thoughts on this?

6 days post IUI.  This sucks. The waiting I mean. 

I’ve had a ton of cramping and heaviness, but I know its too early to feel anything and too late for ovulation so have no idea what this could be.

Trying to stay positive but the negativity sneaks its way in and I dont know I guess I just cant imagine myself getting a positive test.

I am keeping the faith and hoping really really hoping for a miracle.

I know I’ve been a crappy blogger.  I’m in a funk and well, sometimes I just dont feel like writing about it.  

Work is ok- very very busy but at least I have some activity- and I’m not crying as much -LOL (Who knew one day I would chalk that up as a positive)

Me and hubby went on a much needed caribbean vacation where I just laid on the beach and read.  Vacation was not without drama however as the hotel we booked (last min) was horrible and we ended up switching.  Still not a refund on my credit card…. but thats another blog that I will save for you

Got my period the last day on the trip and had to go to Dr. L’s for 3 day blood work the day after we came home.  I’m in for an IUI with injectables this month.   Took 100IUs (Follistim) from day 3-7 – blood was drawn on day 3 (with ultrasound) and then again on day 7. Today is day 9.  Went in this am for blood and ultrasound.  I had 3 smallish follicles on the right all measuring 12 and under and on the left I had one 21 and 1 13.  They gave me the hcg shot and we go in tomorrow for IUI. I’m kind of dissapointed.  I feel like I responded better on clomid (at least I had 2 at 19) and was expecting at least more than that with the follistim.  I asked the nurse and she said its not the best results and Dr. L will take a look and decide what to do next as far as either upping the dose or going to IVF. thoughts anyone?

Im sad.  I hate when I get in this funk.  I’m moody.  Hubby and I are NOT being sweet to eachother and most of it is cause I’m so cranky.  I just feel kind of beat up.  EVERYONE is pregnant around me and I feel so helpless right now.

I guess wish me luck- I know it only takes one follicle but still- I mean WTF??

I mean  I guess there is a little news as I spoke to Dr. L yesterday.  He said there he doesnt have a good answer for me about getting my period again.  He said that it is prob just my body getting back to normal from the hormone therapy.

God I hope so.  

I have a friend (IRL) that is having trouble getting pregnant….. she is not interested in IVF for religious reasons but anyway- she had her FSH tested and it was 16.   I cant remember what mine was the last IUI cycle but I think it was like 8 or something.  Anyone have any info on high FSH and getting pregnant naturally?

Perplexed.  Confused.  Annoyed even. 

My cycle is all f’ed up.

So after surgery, I was taking estrogen for 4 weeks and progesterone the 3rd week for a 5 days.

Surgery was 5/28.  6/8 -One week later I had a very heavy period. Dr. L said to continue to take the pills.  Once I finished the progesterone he said I should get another period.  I finished the progesterone on 6/19….. my period came on 6/29.  

Saw Dr. L this week- he did an ultrasound and was very happy with what he saw….. he said my uterus looked normal.  Yay.

We were planning on trying on our own this month and then moving on to IUI for August.   

So I buy ovulation kits and start using them on day 10.  Today is day 12.  Today I woke up with my period. WTF.

Should I be worried??  I kinda am.

Anyone?

Ok so back on the bus….. and some more blogging time.

So I did not have a drink that night but I did have a valium.  When I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer my doc gave me a perscription and I have a few left- so I take them in emergencys….. and well I will say that this constituted as an emergency for sure!

So I end up going in the following week to meet with Dr. L.  He tells me that the septum was “massive”, and he really does not believe it was scar tissue- that it resected nicley and he really thinks this should solve the problem.  We made a plan to go back in for an ultrasound right after my next period so he can check how I look.  He said that the progesterone would bring on my period.   But of course, I defy all the odds and get my period the very next day.  A very heavy, very painful period.  I checked the calendar and it is right on schedule.  I call Dr. L and he was actually a little surprised cause I guess I wasnt supposed to get it with the estrogen therapy??? I dont know but he said the reason it was so heavy was because 1) the estrogen builds up the lining and 2) there is more room in my uterus!!  Gosh I hope that last point is true!!

So he said to keep taking the hormones as perscribed and call him on Day 1 of my next period to schedule an ultrasound the following week.   Yesterday was Day 1 so my appt is next wednesday.  I also have an endocrinologist appt for that same day later on in the afternoon (thyroid cancer followup)- so big day for me- say a prayer!!

We have decided to try on our own for one month and then after that cycle go for IUI with injectables for one month and then straight to IVF.  Anyone have any feelings on this plan?? I would like to hear.  Seriously.

Blog u later.

I don’t know where I’ve been – seriously.  I’ve had so much to say and basically no time to say it.  Work just gave me an air-card to “work” on my commute home and I am basically using it to post on my blog….hee hee.

So let me try and update on where I am -(no where mind shattering so dont get too excited).

I will start off with a funny story.  Mind you it was not funny at the time, but now that I look back …. quite hilarious.

It takes place 2 days after my “Ginger Ale” post.   Oh I was so sick that night and the next day and the day after that also.    If you can remember – I was away on business- still had the balloon catheter (gross) and had 3 meetings and an event with clients. 

So I power through the meetings- I honestly don’t know how I did it…. being nauseous is such a terrible thing for me- like one of my wort fears…… but I got though it and I think I just kept focusing on the fact that I had my appt with Dr. L the day I get home- acutally was going straight to the appt from the airport.

At one point during the trip I got a call from Dr. L’s office that they needed to move my appt up from 2:30 to 12:30.  Now I was flying in that morning and landing around 1130, so that would be really really cutting it close…. I was flying from Atlanta to NYC – and there are ALWAYS delays in Atlanta.  But they told me that Dr. L was absolutley not going to be there in the afternoon so I had to really try to get there at 12:30.  I vowed to do so- as I was not – I repeat not going one more frigging day with this balloon in me!  I had rented a car so my plan was to just get up super duper early and get on an earlier flight.

SO- I wake up real early and leave the hotel and drive to the airport.  Mind you- my stomach was so bad I hadnt had coffee that morning (actually for like a total of 10 days if you can believe it…..I am a crazy morning coffee drinker so this was real bad).   So now picture how tired I am- I’ve been sick for days, traveling, no coffee etc….  yes I am setting you up for quite a story.

So – I get to the airport with no problems, I get on an earlier flight that is now set to get in at 10:30 am…… gives me plenty of time to get to Dr. L’s office- with no worries.  I don’t have to check bags cause I have a small carry on.  I go through security, I get to the plane- I get a good seat!  I sit down- I realize I do not have my luggage…..  I panic….. I shake….. I realize I must have left it at security.  I am so friggin dazed and confused, I actually went through security – grabbed my shoes- and went on my merry way to the gate – WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, there were some tears I wont deny this….. I was booked on the next flight- MY ORIGINAL FLIGHT and sent back to security to find my bag.   SO I get my bag and Im on my way to the new gate.  Can you guess what happens next?  Yep.  Delayed.  1 hour.  

I call Dr. L’s office cause I realize that I’m basically going to a) be late or b) just make it in the nick of time.   To make matters worse, Dr. L’s assistant is on vacation so I’m talking to a bunch of people that don’t know me from a hole in the wall and couldnt care less if I have a balloon catheter.  I am transferred to several different people who all tell me that they can book me for an appt tomorrow.  I start sobbing.  Seriously people, I am pumped full of hormones and am so tired and to be frank- I was a stinking hot mess.

I call my hubby who honestly feels terrible and cannot do anything for me…. he tells me to tell them I will be there in time.  This way once I show up someone (even if its another doctor) will have to take it out.  So I decide I like this idea but now can’t get through to anyone….. it just rings !

So we board the plane and the pilot says we will get in by 11Am.  I now know I’m going to make it but still cant get in touch with anyone.  I eventually have to turn off my phone and have anxiety the entire plane ride.

SO- I end up getting there on time.  A nurse removes it and it was like absolutley no big deal, I don’t know why they didnt just suggest that in the first place…….  ANYWAY, I still feel like shit so I decide to take a cab to Port Authority- which to you non NY’ers is the bus station. 

By the way- just to prepare you this is just getting to the good part.

So I get a cab right away.  I get to the bus station- I think to myself- not too bad- I will get home around 3pm, take a shower, get in my pjs and get in bed and have hubby pamper me….. 

I pay the cab driver, I get out.  Just me .  No luggage.  NO FRIGGING LUGGAGE.  I left it in the trunk of the cab!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I have no reciept- I paid cash.  I begin to hyperventalate.  I call my husband.  I could hardly speak.  oh and by the way, my luggage had a projector and speakers that belonged to my company and also all of my medicine- all the hormones including my synthroid that I need cause I don’t have a thyroid!

Finally my husband says”calm down and pull over another cab and ask him what to do”- So I do this.  He tells me to call 311.  I call 311 and get transfered to about 3 different numbers at 3 different locations.  I finally get someone o the phone…. I tell her the story, this is kind of how the conversation went

Phone operator: “What can I help you withyou”

Sobbing crazy woman” “I lost my luggage in the trunk of a cab”

Phone Operator:  “Do you have the medallion number”

Me: “No”

Phone Operator:  “Reciept?”

Me: “No”

Phone operator: “Pay by credit card?”

Me: “No”

Phone operator:  uncontrollable laughter……

Me:  “hello?”

SO the weird part of the story is that the woman was actually very helpful.  I gave her all the info I had, like what time I was picked up – where- how much the fare was etc…..  she said to stay put and took my cell number down.

DO you know I actually got the bag back???  It took 2 hours, but she (I found out her name was Gloria)- tracked down my driver- the most impossible thing in NYC and sent him back.  I gave him 20 bucks – but wow- honestly it was a miracle.

SO – now the story is actually kind of funny, how on earth I lost my bag 2X in one day is beyond  me.  Seriously, if you knew me IRL- you would be so surprised…. I am usually a very put together gal!  I obviously didnt feel good !

So – another thing to mention is when the bag was removed- my nausea basically disappeared also….. interesting right?? Could be a coincidance??

Anyway- My stop is there so gotta go…. will write more later promise