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Good Riddance 2008 December 31, 2008

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I guess I spoke too soon this morning when I answered a comment- “no AF yet”-

Cause right after that I went to the bathroom and there she was.  

I’m ok, I mean I’m sad but what can I do ?  I was prepared for this outcome for at least 48 hours so I am seriously ok.  I’ve decided that the only constructive thing to do is rid myself of all the bad shit that happened in 2008.  Including my news of this first IUI, Thyroid Cancer, my job going to shit, making a ton less money,  I can go on seriously, I even had poison ivy like over 90% of my body this  year.   (actually when that happened I was like Am I a Joke for 2008???  Poison Ivy??)……..another long story of me picking weeds in my bikini…….pretty hilarious now that I think of it.

Anyway,

I already called RE’s office and the receptionist was so sad for me, shes known me for over a year and a half now so she was like ok lets start off 2009 better and she set an appt for me to come Friday for 3 day blood and ultrasound.

I also got an email from new potential employer that wished me a happy new year and that to hang tight they are in the process of contacting my references so I should get the offer by next week.

Well thats a good start no?

We are spending NYE at our neighbors across the street, who we like very much and will eat good food and drink very good wine.

I’d say yes a good start.

I love all of you fellow bloggers.  I am thankful for you.  I dont know what I would do without your support.

Please have a very positive look on 2009.  I will be willing it for us.

left foot, right foot, step December 31, 2008

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I have PMS.

I am weepy.

I cried today.

I feel bloated and fat.

I want Chocolate and Salt.  (I satisfied this urge with 3 pretzel rods and  some dark chocolate that my husband put in my Christmas Stocking.)

I am sad that I can’t get it together enough to ever be positive.

I wish my period would just show up so I can just deal with it and move on. 

Left foot, right foot, step.  repeat.

11 Days post IUI December 30, 2008

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Today I feel like I’m getting my period.  Sore boobs (nipples really), and period cramps.  I know some say that cramping may be a good “sign” but  seriously they feel just like I do each month a day or so before I get my period.  No seriously people I’m pretty sure I’m getting it.

I usually get my period in a 26 day cycle , since we forced ovulation this time around I really have no idea when I am supposed to get it anyway.

I would not be surprised if I get it in the next day or so.  

I will be ok.   If it comes I will be fine.  I will get back on the horse and try again.

I have no self control December 28, 2008

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I tested today.  negative of course.  I mean you couldnt see a second line even if you held it up to a light bulb.  not even the faintest faintest line.  Mind  you I’m not sure if at this point I would even have enough pregnancy hormone in me even if I was pregnant.  I counted this morning and while I originally thought this was 9 days post ovulation, it really could be 10 – if ovulation was on the day of IUI.  But if you remember I said I felt crazy ovulation pain the day AFTER the actual IUI …..

GOD I am hoping and praying for a miracle.  Im so mad at myself for testing.

Hubby is at a Football game and is staying over BILs house so wont be home tonight, that will be ok since I will be depressed 😦

But still trying to stay positive.

8 DP IUI December 27, 2008

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Well the truth is 8 days post IUI I feel……. NOTHING!

Sometimes I think I am a little crampy but really not that much and considering what I  have been eating since the holidays began well that cramping can totally be a little gas.  LOL

I am kind of obsessing about seeing implantation bleeding, I dreamed I got it last night, but honestly there is nothing.

Christmas Eve I went to RE’s office for progesterone blood test. they said it was over 20 which was good and that if by next Friday (Jan 2nd) if I didnt get my period to take a HPT and if its positive call the office for an appt. for a blood test.

Here is to hoping, dreaming…..miracles.

I dont think I am going to test until then.  I had these ideas that I would begin testing 10 days post IUI but I think I’m going to wait.  I mean if I test early, than I could be happier early, but I could be disappointed early also and well although I am prepared for it, why not wait until I have to.

SO as I am sitting here one of our dogs has a belly ache.  His belly is making all kinds of noises the poor baby.  This dog gets into stuff so with the holidays and all the people that were here I’m sure something could have slipped by me and got into his belly. Our other dog, is like a model dog and just sits there and looks handsome LOL.  All I know is I hope this does not cost me another emergency trip to the vet, we have been there 2 different times as an emergency with him (once he ate 4 corn cobs out of the trash, and another time he needed stitches when he misjudged our retaining wall in the yard) I fed him boiled chicken and rice this morning – he had diarrhea yesterday a few times.   

Well anyway thats it for me.  I have less than a week to continue obsessing about my non existant symptoms.  Please wish me luck cause I need it.

Distractions December 22, 2008

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I’m trying to make distractions so I don’t obsess about this cycle. 

Here are my distractions:

1)New Job ?  Gave all of my references to the potential new employer and had so far 7 interviews with them (they can’t possibly ask me to come back AGAIN)- so basically my first distraction is waiting for a JOB OFFER!!

2) THE HOLIDAYS- are like 2 days away, which is crazy.  We are going to SIL’s house on Xmas eve and she is 2 hours away.  We are not staying over because 1) we have the dogs 2) we are hosting Xmas day at our house

3) MENU- For Xmas.  I decided to go all fancy and cook a standing rib roast, mind you I have never done this before so I have some researching to do….. and also cooking to do in the next day or so in preparation

4) NYE plans-Trying to plan something… the problem is our good friends dont live so close and we have the dogs and blah blah blah, so trying to see if we can get our neighbors to get together and do something at one of our houses in walking distance

I am so nervous about the outcome of this cycle.  I mean I know I will be ok if it doesnt work but I will be sad.  I’m nervous that we missed ovulation and did the IUI too early.  

I triggered on Thurs night around 6pm, the IUI was Friday at 8am.  We als had sex on Sat morning. I felt ovulation cramps ALL DAY on Saturday so that is why I am scared about the timing.

Good Lord I hope I can make it though this without testing.

Hopeful December 20, 2008

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I am going to be hopeful. I’ve decided.

Yesterday was pretty un-eventful considering it could be the best moment in our lives.  Got up super early and hubby did his business while I went to get coffee at D&D and I waited in car for him….

he did take quite a while and i was So worried there would be some performance anxiety involved but he did it and we got on the road.  I kept the cup in my coat.  

Got to the RE office, they took the package, we paid , we signed papers, we waited like maybe 45 mins and they called us in.  Doc said the sample was good but I cant remember the numbers.  We were finished in like 3 mins and I sat on the table for like 15 after.

He said take a pregnancy test (over the counter) in 2 weeks and hopefully you will be pregnant.

I woke up this morning with alot of ovulation pain (i usually feel it anyway) so we had sex just in case.

Thats all I got.  And I have no idea how I am going to get through the next too weeks.  Whats the earliest I can test???

First IUI Tomorrow December 18, 2008

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My ultrasound today showed 1 follicle on each ovary measuring around 19mm each.  Estradiol was 575.  Trigger when I get home from work. Appointment is tomorrow at 730. OMG!!!!!!

I have my repeat interviews at 2pm and 3pm today.  

WOW what a day.

positive thinking December 16, 2008

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I started reading Astrology Zone this month.  My friend told me about it.  SO as it happens (and as you know) I have been interviewing for this new job and thought it was going to be offered to me last week (I had 4 interviews with them back in November)….. Anyway my contact called me last week and said they were on a temporary hiring freeze (as so many companies are) and we are realistically looking at January to re-visit hiring for this position.  Bummer.  that was the same day I got my period so I was extra emotional.

 In an effort to make lemonade when life give you lemons, we decided to move on to our first IUI cycle this month. We were headed in that direction anyway but we were hoping for good news on the job front and then prob Jan or Feb…… but I was crying and so emotional that my hubby was like- ok this is stupid why are we waiting?   But I digress……

OK Back to astrology zone.  There is one paragraph that I have been reading every morning (ala the secret) here it is:

if you have been (or will be) interviewing for a new job elsewhere, you will impress VIPS – keep the faith! Some jobs take weeks or month to finalize. What matters is that you begin the interview process now. If you had a major interview for an important position at the end of November, your timing was perfect and chances are that this particular opportunity will be offered to you. If you have not had any talks, try to schedule an interview for a new job immediately.

5 mins ago I got an “unexected” call from the JOB.  “are you free this week, we want to bring you back in again to meet with a few more people.”  I was so surprised, not only that the guy called and i was expecting him to call next year but to go back in again??  (I mean I already had 4 interviews there) .  I of course said “yes i am around and available all week”- then immediatley realized that Thurs morning I have ultrasound at RE at 8am and that means i probably wont get to the city until lunchtime….and then if i am ready to trigger could we possible do the IUI on Friday??  It will only be day 11 so that may be too early, but I have 26 day cycles and usually ovulate on days 11-13…..so I said well I may or may not be available on Friday…. and I was stumbling over my words and sounded like an bumbling idiot.  So bottom line is I am available Thurs afternoon and most likley all day Friday if the IUI is not scheduled…. which most likely it wont be.  Of course I didnt tell him anything of why I may or may not be available…… but i think he said – um so thurs is best?  and I was like um yeah thurs afternoon is best.  

As you can see from this post, I am still acting like a bumbling idiot.  Forgive me.

Oh and I dont mean to suggest that Astrology Zone got me another interview…… I just meant to say that sometimes positive “mantra” might steer our minds in the right direction…..

nothing new December 15, 2008

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not much new to report.

I had my day 3 ultrasound and blood work on Thurs 12/11.  I began clomid that night for 5 days.  then 2 days with no meds and back to dr. on Thurs 12/18.  My follicles and lining and blood work was all normal according to the nurse.  I didnt ask any specific questions…. should I have?

The office manager has agreed to give me a 20% discount since I am self pay.  So I guess every little bit helps. 

Curious….. since I have a 26 day cycle… I usually ovulate day 12 or 13.  If I count correctly that means I will “naturally” ovulate sat or sunday…… I have not asked about office hours on the weekend, how does that usually work??  I have a shot of ovidrel that I am eventually supposed to use…. so IF on Thurs my follicles look ready, would they tell me to trigger that night and do the IUI next day?  anyone have experience with this.  I know timing is so important and since I am paying for it myself I’d like to get it right you know.