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hey I’m still alive right? October 8, 2009

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I keep trying to say shit like that to myself to stop these stupid hormonal tears from welling up.

I am so frigging emotional.  Yesterday I had to give 2 presentations and today another all being a stones away from bursting out in tears.

Dr. L said the cycles have seemed short but he is not sure that it would relate to cycle success.  He will treat me none the less just in case…. so progesterone supplementation after next IUI…..

We have until tomorrow to decide what we want to do this cycle.  We are suppposed to be going away to my moms mountain house with hubbys parents next weekend.  We go every year for our anniversary and have a great time.  If we decide to go again for another cycle chances are the IUI will be that weekend so we will have to cancel.  Really hard to decide as in one case I do not want to skip a cycle and in another I think we need the break (or I need the break )  I mean we can still try on our own.

Another thought I had was to start up accupuncture again.  I had stopped cause we were trying to cut back financially, but now I’m remembering the accupuncturist didnt like my short cycles either and she was trying (and succeeding) to lengthen them.  I remember having a 28 day cyle with her and my norm is around 25-26 days.  So maybe worth a shot?

I’ve been thinking alot about adoption also.  Not that we would stop trying to have a baby naturally or stop treatment….. just it has kind of opened my eyes to doing both.  Not sure if hubby is there yet but he did say he would do both…. I think hes just thinking lets have one on our own first and then adopt.  I dont know, I’m feeling very vulnerable today and just want things to happen.   something to happen.

Bummed October 7, 2009

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So- Got my period today.  10 Days Post ovulation.  Can you say luteal phase defect?

scared October 6, 2009

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I’m pretty sure I felt a period cramp today.

Can’t deal.

nada October 5, 2009

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I got nothing.  I mean nothing that is worth blogging about.  Kinda scared to death of the outcome of this cycle.

I find myself reflecting to a future date and wondering how the outcome of this cycle will change my plans….. 

like for example, we have plans this Saturday night with friends to drink wine and order dinner at their house (they have a toddler so we have opted to stay in rather than go out) and usually it would be a big wine drinking night… and I’m thinking I will know by then….. so I will actually be getting very drunk or not drinking at all

same with a client dinner I have next week.  BIG drinkers….. hmmmm I hope I am “pretending” to drink that night and not actually drinking.

God I am so scared of how I am going to react.

I’m so scared it didnt work again. 

no symptoms.  Well nips are sore, but not super duper sore and not more than they have been in past cycles. 

I wish I can Fast Forward to Saturday.

Trucking along October 2, 2009

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2ww really blows.

It has only been 6 days since IUI (or 5 depending on which day you start counting) and too soon to feel anything…..

I have continually had that ovary pain…..even across the tops of my legs.  I know its weird and I can only think that its some form of hyperstimulation (although I only had 2 follicles).

Who knows.   Boobs are sore but not more than they normally are a week before my period.  I mean the truth is I really do not feel any different aside from that ovary pain.

SOOOO…….the waiting continues and God I hate it.