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Here we go again December 31, 2009

Posted by stoptheworldiwanttogetoff in Uncategorized.
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Saying good bye to another year.  Oh how I really want to see 2010 as a positive year.  I just wish I could shake the failure that overcomes me everyday.

The last few years have just been so filled with pain.  lets recap:

2007- found out I had septum- had surgery;

2008 thyroid cancer; 2 failed iuis; made bad work decisions

2009 :  new job sucks- making ton less money- actually struggling financially for the first time in my life (well since college); another septum surgery, 3 failed iuis, 1 IVF cancelled for poor response

What will 2010 bring??  I woke up this morning with a pretty bad sore throat and my husband actually said this “im so sick of your ailments- go see a psychiatrist”

Great way to start the new year.

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13 days post iui December 17, 2009

Posted by stoptheworldiwanttogetoff in Uncategorized.
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I wrote an entire post before and lost it 😦 

So here is the abbreviated version. 

I tested last night (12 days post iui)  BFN.  Not surprised though.  Still no AF, I supposing the Progesterone suppositories are delaying it a bit.

I will test once more tomorrow am before I stop the progesterone.

I’m sad.  I dont get it.  What the hell is wrong with me??  I had 3 really big juicy follicles.  I just dont get it.

I need some hope that I will ever have a baby.  The notion that I wont is very scary to me.

I remember last time this year we were going though our first IUIs and full of hope.  Never in a million years did I think we’d be in the same spot, wishing, waiting, hoping and on the verge of tears half the time.

I’m about to lose it and I can see that my husband sees this too and he doesnt know how to handle me.  He is not good in situations where I am not ok so I kind of hate him right now. 

Why dont men understand that just giving a hug sometimes just does the trick.  He is of the mentality of “shake it off” and “never let it get to you”…. I’m of the let me wallow until I’m strong enough to get out of it….. and when I am, give me your hand and help me get up and then lets go for ice cream sundays.

Thank you for the support! December 9, 2009

Posted by stoptheworldiwanttogetoff in Uncategorized.
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Thank you to all the blogosphere for being so kind in your words.  It was nice to hear everyones stories and I’m trying, trying, trying to remain positive.  I  feel a little less hormonal which I guess is helping also. 

Thank you also to whoever sent my support into to LFCA – it was special and means alot so thank you again.

I’m very busy at work during this 2ww so I wont have much time to obsess.

My Thyroid panel was within normal range so thats not the reason I’m not responding.

Oh and I was not on BCP prior to the cycle so that is not the reason either. 

ANYWAY, still trying to stay positive 🙂

the wait December 4, 2009

Posted by stoptheworldiwanttogetoff in Uncategorized.
8 comments

so now the wait begins.

Today’s IUI went off without a hitch.  Hubby actually gave the sample at the office – this was a big deal as in the past he always did at home and delivered in that little sterile cup….

well since today was a weekday- we were going to have major traffic issues so we kinda didnt have a choice.

hoping for a miracle.

sigh December 3, 2009

Posted by stoptheworldiwanttogetoff in Uncategorized.
3 comments

Got my HCG this morning. 

Tomorrow IUI.  They did a thyroid panel also today.  Dr. L’s not sure this has anything to do with my poor response but he said we should check anyway.

Hubby called Dr. L as when I called him to tell him the cycle was cancelled I was a blubbering idiot and could hardly tell him anything.

Dr. L said that I’m young and my FSH is low (it was 6 at last day 2 test) and that he said we just have to take it step by step.

No more IVFs in December for their office and I am traveling for my sales conference in January so we tentativley scheduled me for Feb.

I know its terrible but I have no faith AT ALL that this is going to work.  Im feeling a bit hopeless and looking for my inner strength.  Where is it????

Holding out and now need a holding hand December 2, 2009

Posted by stoptheworldiwanttogetoff in Uncategorized.
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I confess.  I was holding out on what’s been going on.   We had decided to move forward with IVF.

But now I’ve been cancelled to poor stimulation. Well not totally cancelled as we’ve been converted to an IUI for Friday.

I am totally bummed. 

I was taking 225iu of Gonal F starting on day 2.  Today is day 7 and I have 3 follicles ranging from 15-19mm.

Dr. L called and said there is really no good reason why I’m not responding.  Next IVF we will go up to 450ius. 

I’m so upset.